What Makes A Healthy Relationship?
"On a good day the only person you can control is yourself!" ~ Danny Silk
The number one thing that effects us the most are our relationships. Relationships have a huge impact on us almost every min of the day. Our relationships with our family, our children, our work, our play, and even ourselves, have the power to inspire or crush us. The first step is to know the answer to, "What makes up a healthy relationship."
If we can't answer the 10 main factors of a healthy relationship then we are definitely stuck!
If we can't answer the 10 main factors of a healthy relationship then we are definitely stuck!
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2. Communication
Communicating honestly and respectfully, especially about things that are difficult, is something that does not come automatically to everyone. We may have learned to keep uncomfortable things under the surface for the sake of harmony or the appearance of perfection, or we also may have never even learned how to acknowledge difficult feelings to ourselves. Other challenges involve escalating a conflict into a full-out war: lacking the ability to not take things over-personally or lashing out when we feel threatened. It's okay if you have these tendencies; what's important is that you work on them, as strong and healthy communication is the lifeblood that nourishes good relationships. |
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3. Patience
No one can be perfectly patient all the time, and factors like lack of sleep, stress, or physical health problems will make you more easily agitated at various points in your life — that's part of being human. But partners in a healthy, loving relationship extend each other a basic common denominator of patience that allows for peace, flexibility, and support when one person is having a bad day or is not at their best. When partners are chronically impatient with each other, they often create a dynamic of bean-counting and resentment, where they are mentally racking up the "offenses" that the other partner has committed. Being able to adjust to the ebbs and flows of a partner's moods in day-to-day life — within reason — can instead allow a feeling of being unconditionally loved. |
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4. Empathy
Being willing to take another person's perspective is helpful in so many cases — whether in parenting, being a good neighbor, or even just letting someone merge in front of you on the highway. But it is arguably most important with the person you've chosen as a partner. Can you truly put forth the effort to try to understand their perspective, even when you disagree with it? Does their pain spur you to try to help them feel better? Do you feel happy about their triumphs? Empathy is crucial for long-term love. |
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5. Affection and Interest
It likely goes without saying that love should be a part of any healthy, committed romantic relationship — in fact, I didn't bother to put that on the main list. But more subtle than love is the expression of that love in the form of affection and also a genuine interest — a liking of each other. Small physical gestures of affection, like hugs, kisses, and comforting touch, can go a long way to keeping each person feeling comforted and secure within their relationship. There is no one "right" amount of physical affection within a relationship — as long as both partners feel comfortable with how their needs match up. The same is true of physical intimacy. As for the "like" factor, this goes further than love — it means that you are truly interested in each other and fond of each other, and that you are together out of attraction (even if no longer the physical infatuation of the early days) rather than obligation. |
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6. Flexibility
You've heard it before — relationships take compromise. And while some things don't allow for a perfect scenario on that front (you can't decide to have half a child, for instance), the key component that makes for good compromise is important no matter what: flexibility. It's important that both partners show flexibility in day-to-day life and decision-making, because if it is just one partner always doing the bending, that imbalance can grow toxic over time. In healthy relationships, both partners are willing to adjust as needed to the changes and growth — positive and negative — that may come about during a long-term relationship. And they are able to evaluate on a joint level, especially during conflicts, what matters most to each person within the relationship, and how that should be prioritized. Two partners who are never willing to bend to meet the other will be on separate paths altogether before long — a far cry from truly sharing a life together. |
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7. Appreciation
The research about the importance of gratitude within relationships is striking; it makes us feel happier and more secure with our partners. And the more that we feel that gratitude, the more we feel appreciated for who we are within relationships, which also improves the relationship's well-being. Even small expressions of gratitude and appreciation can help improve relationship satisfaction. So the next time you think it doesn't matter whether you say "thank you" for something your partner did, think again. And perhaps consider the negative feelings all of us tend to have when we notice a lack of appreciation over time. |
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8. Room for Growth
Relationships grow stale not just because a certain amount of time has elapsed, but because people feel stuck and unable to progress, either as individuals or as a couple. It is unrealistic — and downright unhealthy — to expect that two people will remain the exact same across months, years, and decades of a relationship. Hopes, fears, goals, and interests constantly evolve, and that is a very good thing. A relationship doesn't have to end or even suffer because of this, as long as both people allow each other the space to grow, by not pigeonholing each other into their younger selves, by trying to take an interest in learning what's important to the other person, and by not setting expectations that are inflexible. |
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9. Respect
We often associate the concept of respect with people or concepts that are not intimate with each other: respecting one's elders, respecting symbols of religious faith, or respecting authority. But respect is every bit as important within a close partnership, if not more so. In healthy relationships, people talk to each other in ways that don't debase, invalidate, or belittle. They value each other's time and opinions like they value their own. They protect each other's privacy and don't use each other as the butt of jokes or as hired help to constantly clean up the apartment or make a thankless dinner. When respect begins to erode within a relationship, it is a long and painstaking road to build it back — the damage is far easier to do than undo. |
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10. Reciprocity
In healthy partnerships, the tallying that early relationships show ("He picked me up at the airport last week, so I owe him a favor") fades into the background as a new, trusting equilibrium takes its place — you both just generally do for each other when needed. In an ideal situation, the give-and-take roughly works out to equal over time, and neither partner feels resentful. Of course, in many relationships, the give-and-take won't ever become equal (e.g., one partner needs long-term medical care, is naturally a more happily nurturing person, or struggles with a psychological disorder). And that can be okay, as long as both partners feel comfortable overall with the level of give-and-take as it exists, and they each find a way to give something to the relationship and their partners — especially in the form of emotional support — when they can.
In healthy partnerships, the tallying that early relationships show ("He picked me up at the airport last week, so I owe him a favor") fades into the background as a new, trusting equilibrium takes its place — you both just generally do for each other when needed. In an ideal situation, the give-and-take roughly works out to equal over time, and neither partner feels resentful. Of course, in many relationships, the give-and-take won't ever become equal (e.g., one partner needs long-term medical care, is naturally a more happily nurturing person, or struggles with a psychological disorder). And that can be okay, as long as both partners feel comfortable overall with the level of give-and-take as it exists, and they each find a way to give something to the relationship and their partners — especially in the form of emotional support — when they can.
